*snap*

Today was not a great day. I made a stupid mistake, and now my host mother wants me out of the house because she thinks I am a liar and am not making enough of an effort as an exchange student. She is disgusted with me, angry with me, but the thing is, I'm glad- glad she's not trying to hide it anymore, glad she's not trying to put up with me and only make things more strained and awkward, glad everything is out on the table. No feelings like that are good when kept hidden.

So what happens now? I'm sure I'll be moving soon. I asked to attend the Rotary meeting this week, at which I'm going to talk to my counselor and try to work things out. My next host family is more than ready to host me- they were asked a week ago, when I first started talking to Rotary about my host family issues. And I hate to leave things on a bad note between me and this host family, I really do, but it's just not working out. No matter how many times I apologize, she doesn't want to hear it. I have become a bad host daughter in her mind, and nothing's going to change that except time away from her.

Strangely enough, this hasn't made me want to leave Japan or hate being here. I love Japan, and all I want to do is get on with the 5-6 months I have left in my exchange. There's no time for me to be unhappy here!

So a word of advice to any future exchangers (all the "lurkers" out there ;) - if you feel things starting to spoil with your host family, say something about it right away and fix it. If left unsaid by either you or your host family, the result is terrible. Also, don't let your host family speak English with you. Just don't. You are there to learn the language, and no matter if they think it does, speaking English will not help you.

That's all I really have to say right now. I've still got a lot to think about and a lot of other issues that need attending to, but I am determined more than ever to make this exchange better. I can say, though, that while I haven't liked living in this host family, I've learned a lot. My brother told me that where there is struggle there is growth; that is very, very true. Thanks, bro ^-^

Talk to you all laters! じゃあね！