Homesick

So, if you didn't catch the title of this post, I've gotten homesick. It's almost 7 months into my exchange and only now am I getting really homesick (other than the first 2 days here, but you already know that). I think it's for a few reasons: one being that my mother is coming to visit soon, another being that I just booked my flight back home (July 20th), and another being that I've been having some serious trouble with Japanese lately. To sort of explain everything (and so I can work it out in my head), I'm doing one of my favorite things- lists!

The Good:

-I have at least 2 good friends who I'm going to miss a bunch when I go back to the US, and possibly a third. One is Daishun, one of the math guys, the other is a girl who exchanged to Louisiana last year, and the possible third is actually a girl from my class. After being here for these 7 months, I've come to the conclusion that if two people are going to be friends, they shouldn't have to work really hard to become friends. Even with a language barrier. One of my biggest mistakes so far has been working so hard to reach out to people (in effect essentially trying to force friendship to happen). I made making friends feel like a chore, which it shouldn't be. The most important thing is to be yourself, cheesy as it sounds, and friendship happens on its own. That's my belief, anyways.

-I love Japan, I really do. I think it has a beautiful culture and language. If I do eventually become fluent in Japanese, I would consider living here (but don't freak out just yet, family, that's still many years away ;). But on that note, I would never, ever, ever become an English teacher here, which is what 90% of the resident foreigners are. That would be a terrible idea. My general lack of patience combined with the general lack of effort in English classes here would be a good teacher's worst nightmare.

-I've been lucky enough to have several wonderful host families, and I'm really looking forward to the last.

-Most Japanese food I love. I've become a good salad eater here, so be happy, parents ;) There's just this one thing called oden that I despise; it tastes like rubber soaked in rotting fish juices. Luckily sushi, okonomiyaki, takoyaki, yakiniku, sukiyaki, nabe, and a host of other dishes more than make up for that.

-I've learned how to recycle, oddly enough thanks to the host family I didn't get along with so well. That host mom was very, very strict about separating the 5 (I think) different types of garbage, so I learned that there's actually a lot of things we normally trash in the US that are really recyclable plastic. You'd be surprised. Candy wrappers are recyclable, did you know?

-I have matured a lot, I think, though it's hard to be the judge of yourself on something like that. I'm not scared of new situations and such, and a lot more. I'm gonna get to skip a lot of college freshman fears ^-^

The Not-so-Good:

-My efforts here often go with little reward, most of the time because I'm doing the wrong thing. There's a billion self-help books and motivational techniques that will tell you that "even if it doesn't feel like you're making progress, you really are!" That's completely worthless advice. If you are making any progress at all, you can feel it. You feel accomplished. If you feel like you're really not making any progress, you probably aren't, or at least that's how it is with me. The most obvious example of this would be learning Japanese; I've figured out how to learn grammar, but vocabulary is still bothersome. Or more specifically, verbs are bothersome. I'm still trying new strategies, so we'll see how that goes. The other big example is with friends, but I already wrote about that.

-As much as I like many of my host families, I really wish I could've had just one or two. On exchange, one thing you really want to do is feel sort of settled in your new home; I've been jumping around like crazy. Just when I get cozy in one place, it's time to move. But that was the cost of going with Rotary (which is still a great organization, but I really don't like this aspect of it).

-Being misunderstood. Oh, dear God, I hate this. From the moment people see me they already have misconceptions about me and my culture. And sometimes I have trouble explaining why they're wrong without sounding insulting. For instance, a few nights ago my host dad told me that he had to be careful about his weight because he's on the older side, but on the other hand, those Americans just eat up until they're dead! He told me that when he visited America, all of the old people he saw were really fat. But I, like most people, have grandparents, and none of them are fat. So I said that, and he was really surprised. "But everyone I saw was really big!" he said again, and I said again, "Well, not my grandparents." And we kept repeating those lines until I felt sort of offended and my host mom stepped in. People don't really say stereotypes out loud here, but you can see it in their actions and hear it in their word choices. People will be very kind and nice to me until I make a mistake, and then will switch to "that rude American" at the drop of a hat. I hatehatehatehatehate it. Especially because I'm bound to make mistakes, and if people don't know me or understand exchange students, they usually stereotype me. Sexism, racism, all that stuff isn't cool, people.

-It's really difficult for me to stay here sometimes because this exchange is my choice. When things are going badly, I think, "You don't have to stay here, you know; there's a country where you speak the language and have friends and family just a few flights away." I'm not being forced to stay in Japan. It would be easier if I were. It's like an endurance test sometimes- How much more can I take? How much farther can I go? But some sort of magical willpower is still keeping me here, so I'm still here.

-I don't always feel like I can be myself here. Or I can be myself, but people react very poorly. I essentially have to put the kind, friendly part of my personality on display and bury the short tempered one underneath. That's fine for meeting people, or talking to people you'll never see again, but with people you've known for months? It's just irritating. I'll say it again: I HAVE MORE OPINIONS THAN THOSE REGARDING THE WEATHER. I do have my good friends now to talk to, but with my host family not yet. My host dad is a little bit terrifying, and I don't yet trust him to not kick me out of the house should I say my mind. Which isn't good.

So that's it for now. My mom comes in a little less than 2 weeks! And Dad, you still have to tell me your travel plans!

Talk to you all later ^-^