Internet Negligence

Well, hello, there. Remember me? It's been a while, hasn't it?

I want to say sorry for not updating more often, but I'm honestly not. At all. Me and the internet have had a... not falling out, per se, but something along those lines. I get online to check my email, watch a few Youtube videos, and occasionally watch Bones. Not really more than an hour a day, if even that. And most of it I do on my iPod. I've sort of outgrown the internet, just a bit. So I apologize for neglecting you all, sort of!

Moving on, it's that time again. A monthly update. It's about 2 days away from the 9 month mark. And what has May brought to my exchange?

While my grasp of Japanese is still not very good, I can talk to people. I can understand a lot. I can say what I need to say. A little goes a long way. And lately I've been studying a lot of vocabulary, so that's helping, too. I'm still very often frustrated with my Japanese, but I'm so familiar with that frustration now I barely even notice it. Believe it or not, you do get used to it. Not that I'm trying any less or have lost motivation, but the frustration itself doesn't bother me... does that make sense?

I said before, I have a Japanese best friend. His name is Daishun and I am going to MISS him. SO MUCH. Sometimes you meet people who you leave such a strong mark on you know you're forever affected. I'm very glad to say he's one of those people. For someone to reach out beyond the barrier of language and culture to make a friend is one thing, but then to become that person's best friend? It's awesome. I have 2 other best friends here, too, but he's got a special place in my invisible ledger. (On rereading this, it sounds a bit mean towards my other friends, I noticed. To clarify, I love all my friends very much, but he's affected me the most. Does that make sense?).

Seeing as I do only have 2 months left here, I think it's safe to do a bit of a mini review on my exchange. When I came here I expected several things to happen:

- Learn Japanese
- Learn Japanese culture
- Be totally capable in everything and such

Obviously that last one didn't quite work out so perfectly, but you know, I was a lot more ignorant of such things before exchange ^-^

What has happened (or the big stuff, anywho) that I didn't expect:

- Turns out I'm a lot braver than I knew
- Super confidence gain
- I'm a lot more optimistic, though I can't explain why
- I can't eat meat as much, and I love fruit, rice, and salad now (big shock to those of you who knew my eating habits in America)
- I actually think about my clothes, and have a lot more taste now (which still isn't a lot, but oh well!).
- A lot of things, but the biggest being...

It may sound silly that I didn't expect this, but I've learned so more about myself than I ever expected. Not only have I learned simple things like how I study best or how I react under intense stress, but I've learned a lot about my personality and what makes me happy. I've learned lots of little life lessons, like how the only way to get things done is to stop thinking about them and just do them, and lots of things about being away from my home and parents (I cannot live without a laundry hamper, 90% of your trash is recyclable, etc). LOTS. I know now that I can function in a society where I am at a complete loss, and question why I was ever nervous in the first place about using things like public transportation. The amount is overwhelming.

So in a way, I'm very excited to return to America because I'll get to see more fully how this exchange has affected me. I'm also, of course, looking forward to seeing my family and friends again, but I think that goes without saying ^-^ But I'm also really not looking forward to it. I still have unfinished business in Japan, and I still will after 2 months. I still want to learn more Japanese and Japanese culture, I want to really build up my relationships with my friends here, I want to keep going with the life I've got started here. That's what really sucks about a year abroad; it's just enough time to make a solid foundation, and then you have to leave. I've got college and all sorts of school mess to deal with when I get back, too, stuff I haven't had to worry about for a long time. It's going to be very confusing, I have no doubt, but there's not much I can do about that except to do it ^-^

So how do I feel after 9 months here? I'm still not super-glowing-fabulous happy. But then again, I didn't come to Japan to be super-glowing-fabulous happy. I'm here to learn, and I'm confident and proud of myself for doing everything I've done so far. And very much looking forward to the next 2 months! Pretty soon it'll be swimming season, and I'll finally (hopefully) get to swim in this giant lake I live next to. I have missed swimming.

Until next time,

またねー