Listen well to the warning, because I guarantee you this is not going to be a happy post.
Still reading? Well, you've been warned.
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It has been almost 5 months here in Japan. What do I think so far?
School: I don't think I need to reiterate how much I dislike my school in general. But, believe it or not, it has gotten worse- for one sole reason. Friends. I cannot for the life of me seem to befriend any of the students. I do not know why. I have tried to talk to them, eaten lunch with them, invited them out, made jokes with them, done everything I could think of to show my enthusiasm for wanting to become friends, but it's as if there is some invisible bridge I cannot cross. This is not to say that people don't say hi to me in the morning or wave at me or things like that, but they do not welcome me into conversations or seek me out in a room or do anything that might suggest they are interested in me beyond how I look. And, for some reason unbeknownst to me, even the people I thought were becoming my friends have started ignoring me, namely the 2 in math class. I literally sit at my desk and do nothing all day besides occasionally studying and leaving class for a Japanese lesson every now and then. I don't know what to do about school. I despise it; every day I spend there is one more step into friendless insanity.
Host family: I miss my second host family so much. They were great. I don't want to say a lot about this one I'm in now, but I will say that it's been a very hard past 2 months.
Japanese: I know I'm getting better, but I still can't have real conversations and I get frustrated all the time. I'm tired of talking about food. I want to be able to say what I want to say. I want to be able to be eloquent. Do you have any idea how hard it is to go from being fluent and able in one language to completely illiterate and unable to understand barely anything in the next? How much I want to scream every time someone talks to me like a child? How I'm almost 17 and I can't speak for myself? It's been 5 months. Why can't I get Japanese?
I'm so homesick. I love Japan as a country, I think it's interesting and fascinating and wonderful, but I hate my situation. There are lots of other reasons that I'm not going to write because they deal with specific people, but suffice to say, I am not happy. I am miserable and frustrated. I don't want to stay here, but I don't want to leave because some part of me is absolutely confident that things will get better and this will all be worth it. That's all I'm going on right now- that one, solid hope. I have to trust it. I have to.
I warned you it would be depressing, right? But I wanted to, for once, show you completely and utterly exactly how I'm feeling here in Japan without any fluff or jokes. Any advice, or really anything at all anybody has to say, is very welcomed.
I miss you all in America more than you can possibly realize, and I'll talk to you later.
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Hang in there. Living in a foreign country isn't easy and you are brave to take it on. That the foreign country is Japan only makes the job tougher and you braver. One thing that foreigners consistently comment on about Americans (after all the international politics, guns, crime, pop stars, cowboys, violence, hysteria, etc.) is how outgoing they are. In fact, it kind of spooks people out sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThat's not to say that Americans are better. Just that the way our society is put together - i.e. we are a nation of immigrants, few are from around here, everyone looks different from everyone else - promotes a comfort with doing the thing that your mother always warned you against: talking to strangers.
That sort of comfort may not be part of other cultures. And even though you feel like you should know people by now, making friends in other countries can seem glacially slow to Americans. All an American needs is a cup of coffee and everyone is trading digits, emails, kids, birthdays, shoes, etc.
Our friend who lives in Switzerland made her first friend after living there for 3 years! And even then it felt like the Swiss person thought of it as a trial arrangement. You know, just in case after knowing each other for 3 years it didn't work out.
But everyone here is very impressed with what you are doing, and we are all sending intercontinental psychic energy to help you make it to spring! And when you get back, come to NYC and we'll take you out for Japanese food. Or a hamburger. Now go outside and get some sun. Vitamin D will make you feel better. :-)
It's going to be okay, baby. While I know you are feeling dreadfully lonely right now, remember that you are not alone. Just keep reminding yourself that your peeps on this side of the world are still cheeering you on (from rafters and rooftops), still proud and in awe of what you've done thus far. We will ALWAYS be here for you. We love YOU LOTS!
ReplyDeleteDo you remember that one exchange student who blogged incessantly over how bad her exchange experiences were? Do you remember saying that she needed to just get over it and take advantage of the great opportunity? The way I see it, you've hit a wall again. You've experienced so much of Japanese culture and without a friend to help you deepen the experience, you're getting really frustrated. I still think the language barrier presents the biggest chanllenge to your being able to make friends (I know, Dad. You don't have to keep reminding me). :o) Keep hard at it, Reese. It's not that you wouldn't make for a great friend (you've got lots of those already and I know you miss them). Perhaps it's just that the other students don't know what to do about you. You are outgoing, fun to be around, upbeat, and maybe Jorn is right about how these wonderful qualities might make a Japanese teenager a little uncomfortable. Perhaps they sense your frustration, too.
Orchestra. I keep thinking that if you could find a place in an orchestra (and I know you know this too), you'd find people with whom you have something in common. Music. Music would be the shared language (and one you speak pretty darn well). And I bet the people you'd meet there would see a side of you that they'd want to get to know. I want to ask how things are coming along on that front, but I'm sure that, too, is one of your great frustrations.
Keep your chin up, baby. You're still the most courageous person I know.
Are there other places you might be able to go (after school clubs or other social events) where you might be able to find like minds? Keep in touch with the other exchangers, too. Commiserate a little. :o)
I wish I could give you a big hug and a bowl of chicken fricassee. My heart swells with pride when I think of how brave you are to even consider doing what you're doing over there. I know it's hard sometimes, but I also know it'll get better. Study hard, get into and orchestra, don't try to be anyone but the wonderful young lady that you are, and be open to all that this experience has to offer. For better or worse, like you say, the experience will be rewarding (has it not been already?) in the end. Do what you came to Japan to do. Learn, experience, and absorb all that you can. Don't think of the summer being an end to this great thing. Think of the time you have remaining as the time of your life!
*hugs*
I love you!
Hey there super granddaughter. GPa Steve here. I surely coudn't have said it better than you dad and your friend (above). You're an exceptional person, different in many ways from the inhabitants of the land where you've landed. Would be nice to have many others like you there with you to provide a support community. You're a social person as much as anything else, and the social environment you're accustomed to is not there, readymade for you. Have you seen the movie "District 9?" May be a message there about being a stranger in a strange land. Strangers often make us uncomfortable and we want them to go home, but it's just not pc to tell them that. So, the ball stays in your court most of the time in terms of reaching out to them, building their confidence and trust in you, all the way to the moment of departure when they really don't want you to leave. I wish my mother - your great grandmother - could share with you her experiences as a missionary teacher in Japan. I'd bet she encountered the same passive resistance from people who she was, why she was there. She grew to love them, made friends who kept in touch with her when she returned home. That was over a period of a couple of years. I don't know how long it took for her to break through the barriers, but she did. You can too. I'm guessing fellow students may be a bit intimidated by you. After all, you're over there in part of because you're exceptional. One of the reasons the cream of the crop rises to the top is because the rest of the crop rejects it.
ReplyDeleteYou're there for a learning experience, not just about "book larnin'" as they say. The whole experience is about learning about life, with all its ups and downs.
I believe that if you continue to project yourself as one who wishes to be a friend, but not insistent on acceptance as such, others will navigate toward you more and more. The language issue will resolve itself over time as you become more and more fluent with it.
Remember that you have nothing to prove to anyone other than yourself. Don't set your expectations too high. Allow youself to be surprised. Mountains will become molehills. And know deep down that your folks back home are rooting for you full scale, no holds barred. We're super proud of you. You represent us to a world most of us will never experience as you are. Couldn't be a better representative than you.
Love you so very much,
GPaS
Hey, you don't really know me, but I was in Japan in 2008. The people above have given you some really good adivce, but I just want to say, don't give up!
ReplyDeleteI went home early (although it was only part giving up; a large part was me trying to teach some people a lesson...) and I actually regret it. A lot, sometimes.
I KNOW how hard it can be (I never really made any friends after my 6 months there) but if you make it to the end, you will be really proud of yourself. And trust me, you will look back and realize the bad things weren't so bad, and the good times were worth it all in the end.
Gambatte, na! You can do it, you seem like a strong person :)